Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
