I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
