I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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