i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
