The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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