honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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