You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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