if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I FOUND THE LEGS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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