Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
