I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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