dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
