Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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