He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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