I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
