This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think i have two assholes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
