after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
