If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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