I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
