Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
