so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
