Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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