I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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