so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
