Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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