I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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