I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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