dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
