I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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