I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
