Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
