eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
