Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
