Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
