i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
