I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
