I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
