Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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