I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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