I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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