If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
