my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize