well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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