Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
