Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
