I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
