good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
