I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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