I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
