I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize