he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i've created a new STD.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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