I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
