Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
