Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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