you have to choose: penises or morals?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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