So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize