u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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