I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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