You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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