final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
