i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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