did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
