You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
