I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
