i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
