hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
