I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
