I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
