im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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