if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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