I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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