he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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