hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
