dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
