look no pants
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize