And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
