my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
