she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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