I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
