Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize