hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
