Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
