i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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