I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
