i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
