is wine microwaveable?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize