Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
