He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
