I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
