Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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