i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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