She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
