her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
