I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize