The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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