what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
