apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
