Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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