I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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