i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
