he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
